The past month was the first time I realized how much I am giving up by moving to Bogota. Since high school I knew I wanted to live overseas as a missionary. I knew that I loved the struggle of crossing cultures, trying new languages, and most of all serving a God who is amidst every person. I went forward and have never looked back.
That was until I have been in the States for a while. I see friends getting married, have “big kid” jobs, buying houses, having kids, and living without the struggles of new places. And for the first time I want that.
Being in the States longer than planned has allowed me to meet new people, visit places and see wonderful things. But there has been a sense of detachment. I don’t want to get to know someone too deep because leaving in a few weeks is hard. I don’t want to unpack my bag too much, because I have to pack it again. I don’t want to get involved to heavily because then it’s harder to back out. I live in transition and shallowness- and I hate it.
Last night Ed and I were talking and almost at the same time we said “Wow- I want to know so-and-so more. I want to be a part of their lives”. And then we paused. We looked at each other and sighed.
Life in the States is easy. We know where to buy things, we know how to get around, we already have friends that live nearby, and family within shouting distance. It’s wonderful.
But I have to remind myself it’s not what God has called us too. When asking his disciples to follow him he told them to give up everything. Leave your families. Leave your friends. Leave the occupations you know and love. AND FOLLOW ME.
God has asked me to be obedient without the promise of ease. Everyone is different and what He asks others to give up is different than ours. In my mind I am ok with that. In my heart I want to give up and live the “easy” life.
Please pray for me and Ed to continue to listen to what God has called us to. Pray He gives us strength to plant roots in Bogota and make it home. Pray we have the mental energy to invest into our students and not be distracted by the world. And most of all pray that our lives are a reflection of God’s glory.